SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 15
JULY 30, 2019
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
R-Truth make an early cameo as Miz talks to him about baby-proofing the house. Moving along, Miz and Maryse are dress shopping so Monroe can have something to wear at the “Evolution” PPV. Yes, they are shopping for a baby… who has a stylist. Insert cutaway shot of Miz turning into his dad when it is announced that Monroe is getting a $500 jacket. Moving on, Miz attaches a camera to a walker and Monroe wanders around the house touching things. Pretty sure there have been hundreds of books written about baby-proofing a house, but, whatever, they’re charming.
Miz is trying to get the baby to crawl and Maryse is talking about not going to the PPV, because carting around a baby is going to be difficult. Meanwhile, Miz baby-proofs the house – something that all adults regret after doing. Miz has purchased a contraption to help the baby crawl. Maryse objects to this. Evidently Miz is obsessed with seeing the baby crawl. For whatever reason, Monroe is going to baby yoga. Yeah, some people have way too much money to spend. Miz is still desperately trying to get this child to crawl.
Miz returns home to learn that he has baby-proofed the home from all the adults. The toilet lock was the most notorious thing to go. Moving on, Miz is backstage at WWE and Maryse facetimes him to let him know that Monroe has crawled. He immediately shows the video to Asuka. Asuka is adorable and there appears to be a language barrier. Points for enthusiastically smiling. LOL. Miz returns home to tell Maryse that he got them a private jet to go to the Evolution PPV.
“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 16
AUGUST 6, 2019
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
Our beloved big giant ham – The Miz – is dealing with wanting to be a heel but being treated like a babyface. His strategy is to be obnoxious to get heat. Half our episode will deal with Miz’s selective hearing. Maryse set him to the store. He came back without all the things she asked for. Maryse says a bunch of things, Miz is not paying attention. You know there will be consequences somehow. Miz and Ryan Cabrera go to a men’s salon for a man spa day. Miz is looking at articles about himself on the internet. Yup, he’s an egomaniac and a big giant ham simultaneously. There is a Titus O’Neil cameo. Titus reads Mike a list that Maryse has compiled for him. Ha ha, Titus has a deep manly voice – because Mike suggested that he couldn’t hear Maryse’s high-pitched voice.
Maryse wants Mike to change the diaper genie. Mike has a meltdown about no keys in the key tray, where the remote is… Miz is annoyed about the plastic on the couch. They’re having a fight, which isn’t really a fight. Yeah, this isn’t awkward like John Cena and Nikki Bella. There’s a joke at the end about Miz getting turned on by the bickering.
Miz is backstage signing some Rob Schamberger prints. He’s talking about doing a family portrait. Miz, being a giant ham, bemoans his loss of heel heat. Oh, Miz is going to a hearing doctor. Miz wants to know if it’s a hearing check up or a therapy session. “Normal is not a word that I would use to describe you, ever,” says the woman conducting the hearing test. “You have average hearing.” Maryse talks to her lady friend about Miz not listening. The lady friend tells Maryse to test Miz and then take advantage of him. Ah, lady friends.
Miz returns home to find snow in the yard because Maryse has rented a snow machine so that Monroe can experience snow. They bicker a little, and then everyone plays in the snow. They make a snowman, Miz pushes Maryse into it, and then she tackles him. All’s well that ends well. Moving along, Miz is still amazed that he’s a “good guy.” According to his giant ham self, “I’ve been the greatest villain in the WWE.” Uh, yeah, that’s debatable.
To solve the issue of things that cannot be found, Maryse has purchased a remote finder. Maryse also has a whistle to get Mike’s attention. Yeah, that’s going to get old fast. Marjo does a pelvic thrust near the end of the episode. Oh yeah, it’s worth the 30 minutes for that alone. The episode ends with the family having a tea party, where both parents end up getting a mini cupcake smooshed in their face.
“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 17
AUGUST 13, 2019
AIRED ON USA NETWORK
The Mizanin’s are putting plastic over the couch, either because of dog butts or dog hair; they have accents, people, and I’m half deaf. Anyway, they swear too much, so, instead of a swear jar Mike thinks they should do ten burpees. Moving along, Mike bought the baby a dress. So, he has to take pictures of Maryse holding the baby in the outfit. Mike’s skills as a photographer are questionable. “I’m usually Batman, I’m the big head honcho, and now I’m the butler,” Miz says to Xavier Woods when he talks about not doing enough fun things with Maryse. Yes, they’re trying to find things to do in Austin, which is apparently about as active as the town I live in. Yes, I too discovered that our pizza place closes way too early. Anyway, Miz and Maryse are outside doing yard work, Miz makes a questionable lady Ghostbusters joke, there’s a snake, and Miz is scared like a little girl. Maryse takes selfies with the snake. Yup, she’s way better at taking pics than Miz.
Miz and Maryse are going on their surprise date. Yup, they still have the snake. The snake escapes the box in the car. Miz is still afraid of it. It is released into the wild and then they continue to the Renaissance fair. Maryse is not jazzed. Miz takes another bad picture of Maryse. He’s really bad at photography. Commercial.
Back at the Renaissance fair, Miz and Maryse get food. More bad pictures. BTW, Miz is doing a terrible old-tymey English accent and is basically narrating everything. Miz and Maryse dress up in costumes and introduce themselves to the people. Maryse speaks in French. There’s an axe-throwing game. Mike swears. He doesn’t wanna do burpees, so, they put him in something that looks like stocks and Maryse throws veggies at him. Moving on, Mike is backstage at WWE. Maria and Mike Bennett make a cameo. Miz shows them pics from the festival. They point out that Maryse looks grumpy. Miz realizes that maybe she was humoring him… and then Maria teaches Miz how to take better photos.
Mike is doing a redo of their date. They’re being picked up in a chopper. I guess it’s good that this show has a budget. Miz takes pics of Maryse by the chopper and they’re better than the previous ones. Yay for Maria! They go on a sky tour of Austin. This is followed up by a wine tasting. Miz breaks a wine glass. Maryse is happy, so, all is well.