SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
BEING THE ELITE EP. 207 – “COLONOSCOPY”
POSTED ON YOUTUBE.COM
JUNE 8, 2020
REPORT BY ZACH GRAHAM, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSgRCv8p1Ek
– Colt Cabana said hello and introduced the new “Colt Cabana’s BTE Bit of the Week.” He said today he’s going to talk about the ratings, numbers, and statistical data that he did. He said his segment against Chris Jericho got a 1.9 overnight. He struggled to get out the numbers and the camera panned out to show Chris Harrington sitting next to Cabana. Harrington told Cabana the segment did a 1.18 in the male 18-49 demographic. Cabana asked Harrington to just tell the camera for him. Harrington repeated this stat and said it’s an unusual index for that segment. Cutler panned over to Kenny Omega sitting on the other end of the couch looking depressed.
Cutler asked Omega if he’s fine with this and Omega said yeah he’s fine with it, but his body language said otherwise. Cutler said this isn’t even a good bit, but Omega said it’s out of his hands. Cutler again asked if he was really going to let it fly and Omega said yes, for this week. Cutler asked if Omega was sure and Kenny said in a shocked, but sad tone, that the people apparently like Colt Cabana segments. Cutler said Omega is scared of Harrington beating him up. Omega laughed it off and said “who, that twerp?”
Harrington slammed a binder in Omega’s face and yelled at him. He asked if Kenny had a problem then threatened him. Cabana told him to do something about his friend and Cabana said he can’t because he’s an animal. Omega got up and told Cabana he can’t have Harrington following him around every week and he’ll get him soon. Omega said he can’t do those numbers every week and if he has it his way, Cabana will be off of BTE and Dynamite too. Cabana said this was Colt Cabana’s Bit of the Week. Harrington leaned over and told Cabana that old women love him! Cabana was surprised by that.
– Being the Elite open aired.
– Cutler walked up to Best Friend and Orange Cassidy outside. Cassidy was leaning against a concrete post while Trent and Chuck Taylor argued. Taylor yelled at Trent saying he doesn’t know shit about dolphins and blood. Cutler interrupted to calm them down. He said it’s been a week and they didn’t give him anything for a BTE bit. He asked if they have anything this week and Taylor hesitated and said yeah. He yelled “let’s get out of here” and he and Trent took off running in opposite directions. Cassidy started slowly rolling away while continuing to lean against the post. Cutler said he can see Cassidy, but Cassidy ignored him until he was no longer visible on the other side of the post.
– Matt and Nick Jackson were shown and a graphic across the bottom of the screen said “2 weeks ago…” Nick asked Matt how his rib was doing and Matt said the doctor took a look and everything looked fine. A hand was shown in frame waving up and down every time the word rib was said. Matt said he was told he may have a fractured rib, but he thinks it’s only a bruised rib. Nick was relieved. Matt said it’s frustrating that they’ve been off TV for two months and their first night back he jumps off a wall and lands right on his stomach to hurt his rib. He said “what a rib.”
Matt Hardy jumped in, revealing it was his arm all along. He yelled “Pause the multiverse!” Matt and Nick Jackson stood motionless. Hardy explained that rib is a joke or prank. It’s when a scenario is created to hoodwink a victim into thinking it is real. Hardy said this has been “Terms of the Inside explained utilizing Broken Brilliance.” He then yelled unfreeze and scurried off camera.
Matt and Nick Jackson started talking again. Matt said he’s excited for Double or Nothing and the two walked off camera.
– Highlights of the Stadium Stampede match were shown with the classic Monday Night Football music playing underneath the commentary team. Highlights included Hangman and Jake Hager drinking together before brawling, different versions of Matt Hardy emerging from the pool, Jericho hitting a Judas Effect elbow on the Jacksonville Jaguars mascot, Jericho challenging a call by Aubrey Edwards, Matt Jackson suplexing Sammy Guevara 100 yards, Matt Jackson super kicking Rick Knox for throwing a penalty on him, and many more.
– Christopher Daniels said hello and said he’s in his back yard in Southern California. Daniels said he didn’t get a chance to do much BTE at Dynamite the last couple of days. He said he wanted to give some insight into his life, since he’s the oldest member of the BTE cast. He showed a hospital band on his wrist and said, since he recently turned 50, he had to go get a colonoscopy. Daniels said he just got done with his colonoscopy 45 minutes before filming this. He said he wanted to talk about why colonoscopies are important and also that they’re wildly invasive. He said a colonoscopy is where they put a camera up your butt to check your colon to make sure you don’t have cancer or any polyps. He said he set this up and they gave him a gallon of a bicarbonate mixture that you mix with water. He said the point of this liquid is to have you void your bowels. He repeated that with some added emphasis. He said the idea is to make you “shit your brains out.” He said it’s not the worst tasting stuff he’s ever had, but compared to his wife, who described it as tasting like oatmeal mixed with gasoline and dog turds, it wasn’t that bad. Daniels then described going to the bathroom numerous times. Daniels said he went to the doctor’s office today and they had him strip down to his shirt and socks, which was wildly uncomfortable. He called this look “Donald Ducking.” Daniels said he had a couple of polyps that they burned off while he was under anesthesia. He said he’s a little groggy now that he’s back home. He said he can’t do a “worst town” bit this week, so why not tell the audience about the time he had a camera in butt.
– Footage from Brandon Cutler filming at ringside during the Hangman Page & Kenny Omega vs. Kip Sabian & Jimmy Havoc match was shown along with Cutler making some noise. Omega and Sabian fought back and forth. Omega was shown fighting Havoc and Sabian before it cut off.
– Alex Abrahantes introduced himself as AEW’s Spanish commentator. He said in this day and age it’s not just important enough to know Spanish, you also need to know Spanglish. He said in this series of episodes, he’s going to teach everyone a series of Spanglish words that are essential vocabulary. Today’s word is Botella which means bottle, but in Spanish it means something completely different. Abrahantes introduced Santana & Ortiz to explain the difference. Santana spoke in Spanish, Ortiz walked up and translated what Santana said to “Hey mami, can you pass me that botella or coquito.” Ortiz then provided another example sentence: “Hey Santana, you see that mami over there? She’s got a fine botella (butt).” A cartoon graphic of a woman walking away was shown to help emphasize the point. Abrahantes walked back on and said “why just know Spanish when you can speak Spanglish?”
– Brandon Cutler said hello and said he’s excited to show off his brand new custom dice. He held up his massive 20 sided dice up next to a regular sized one. He said he got the large one custom made so it would show up on camera on television. The dice he held up was the size of a softball as he pointed out the number 20 was now a dragon head instead of the number 20. He shouted out the company who custom made this piece for him and said thank you.
– Chuck Taylor, Trent, and Orange Cassidy were in the entrance tunnel at TIAA Bank Field. Trent and Taylor were pacing in a circle around Orange Cassidy who was laying down on the turf. Trent started to pitch an idea of him being kidnapped, Taylor cut him off and said Hangman did it. Trent then said they could live in the woods for a week? Taylor said Hangman did that too. Trent said how about Hangman makes a cartoon or something. Cassidy sat up and said he’s got it. He paused for a second then said he doesn’t have it and laid back down. Taylor continued to pace back and forth and Trent said he doesn’t think they have what it takes.
– Matt Jackson was lifting a kettle bell then picked up his phone off the ground. He looked at it confused like he didn’t know it was recording. He tapped on the screen then got frustrated realizing this was another Zoom call. He said he needs to think of a way out of this, but he doesn’t know where his blade is. He said he’s going to have to get busted open the hard way, like the old days. Matt was then shown head butting a door in his bathroom, sliding down a slide head first, and having his son super kick him, but nothing was causing him to bleed. He rolled his eyes, then had a thought. He found a tub of Legos and slammed his head into them.
– Brandon Cutler and Nick Jackson were on a Zoom call, with Matt Jackson’s camera being empty. Cutler and Nick were both waiting on Matt and getting annoyed with how long it was taking him. Matt appeared with a bloody forehead. He apologized for being late as Cutler and Nick reacted to his bloody forehead. Matt played off the fact he was bleeding. Nick pulled one of his kids into the picture to show them and Cutler told Matt to go fix it. Nick and Cutler said they’ll send him the notes afterwards. Matt said okay and left. Nick and Brandon were left and Nick asked if Matt gigged himself just to get out of the meeting. Cutler said it looked hard way to him. Matt was shown smiling, laying in a hammock, with a band aid on his forehead
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a rather uneventful episode of BTE. This episode was shorter than most and they appeared to be working with a limited cast. It was still entertaining, but it’s not can’t miss. Christopher Daniels talking about the colonoscopy process was both unusual and entertaining. Colonoscopies are important, but him pointing out the unpleasant details behind getting one isn’t a good selling point while also trying to advocate for being healthy and proactive!
CATCH UP… 6/1 BEING THE ELITE REVIEW: “Kenny Omega laughs off the idea of doing media while holding a ketchup packet… Nick held up a bottle of fake vampire blood that he used for the blood on his arm. A razor blade is shown in Matt’s hand…”