SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
(NOTE: The following report was published ten years ago this week on PWTorch.com’s VIP website.)
KELLER’S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
AUGUST 13, 2010
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV
-After the Smackdown opening, Todd Grisham introduced the show as Vickie Guerrero stood in the ring. After saying “Excuse me!” a couple of times, she introduced Dolph Ziggler. A clip aired of Ziggler winning the IC Title last week. Vickie said Dolph is more electrifying than The Rock and more electrifying than Bret and “definitely sexier than Shawn Michaels.” She said: “And ladies and gentlemen, he is all mine. He is my boyfriend.” Dolph took the mic and said he had some very special person to thank. He said without this person he wouldn’t be the universes Intercontinental Champion. Vickie smiled as he said without this person’s support, advice, and back rubs, he wouldn’t be “the total package you see before you tonight.” He said this person is the official consultant to Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero. She smiled and told Ziggler he so deserves the title. She said he can’t wait to get out of this disgusting city. The crowd booed. She exclaimed, “Excuse me!” and then said she’d celebrate in Tahiti. She said she’ll make the trip so romantic and won’t let him lift a finger.
Kofi Kingston charged to the ring and tackled Ziggler. He then tossed Ziggler to the floor and dove out after him as Vickie protested over the mic. Kofi pounded on Ziggler’s head until several referees ran out and separated them. Teddy Long walked out and told Vickie she’ll have to cancel their celebration plans. Vickie screamed in protest. Long said Ziggler has to defend against Kingston on Sunday at Summerslam. He said tonight he has to go one-on-one with Rey Mysterio first. Vickie said if Ziggler has to wrestle, then so does Kingston “against Kane tonight!” Long said that’s not how it works since she’s just a consultant whereas he’s the G.M. and “the man with the power.” Kingston stepped up and said he’s not a coward like Ziggler; he said he’s ready to face Kane right now. Grisham said it’s a new side of Kingston and he’s ready like never before. Vickie and Ziggler retreated while yelling at Kingston and Long the whole way. Ziggle and Vickie have a chance to be an iconic pairing for the ages if they stick with them and let Ziggler rise on the card with her steadily by his side and don’t rush a break up for a couple years at least.
-They showed Grisham and Matt Striker on ringside. They threw to a video package on the Kane saga and the accusation that ended last week’s show with Rey saying Kane was the culprit and Kane melting down.
1 — KOFI KINGSTON vs. KANE
Kofi’s initial flurry was cut off by Kane who side slammed him hard to the mat and followed up by climbing to the top turnbuckle. Kofi kicked him to the floor and dove onto him. He went for a tornado kick, but Kane moved and Kofi kicked the ringpost. He clutched his ankle in pain. Kane focused on Kofi’s ankle for the next couple minutes. Striker said Rey is watching and scouting. Grisham said Ziggler is also surely watching Kofi’s ankle get weakened before Sunday. Kofi made a comeback, but was slow to climb to the top due to his sore ankle. Kane chokeslammed him off the top to the mat at 4:00. Kane delivered a Tombstone piledriver for the win. Their new ring announcer sounds like a relatively-sedated version of Pride’s ring announcer back in the day. Of course, she was so over-the-top that the WWE version still brings the proper energy without overdoing it.
WINNER: Kane in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Told a decent story. Not sure if Kofi is hurt here since he stepped up to take on Kane and Kane is the World Champ now.
-Kane cut a promo afterward and vowed that Rey is a liar and he will pay for his actions attacking his brother. He said his lies won’t protect him from his fate or shield him from his eternal darkness. He said his brother found within himself to reach out of the darkness and speak. He claimed he said: “Rey Mysterio.” He said, “Even in my blackest of moments, I could never imagine the pain my brother must be enduring, the pain of knowing he will never be the phenom he once was.” He said if his brother was able, he would punish the guilty, but on Sunday “vengeance will be delivered by the devil’s favorite demon.”
Rey stepped onto the stage and protested. He said he’s speaking lies while claiming to be the devil’s demon. “Well, you’re looking at one of God’s humble servants.” He spoke in Spanish, then said he had no motive to take out the Undertaker. He said Kane did. He said Kane found Taker, accused everyone of doing it, and resent living in the shadow of his brother since the day he was born. He said he had the most to gain and that title he’s holding onto right now would be Undertaker’s if he was healthy. He said on Sunday the title will be in his hands. Kane clutched the belt and yelled back at Rey. Rey said he’ll feel the 6-1-9. Good basic stuff, another solid chapter in the ongoing patiently paced storyline with two wrestlers who play their characters well.
-A brief segment aired hyping Sheamus vs. Randy Orton at Summerslam. [c]
-Christian’s ring intro took place. A clip aired of Christian beating Drew McIntyre last week despite his shoulder taking a beating.
-They cut backstage to McIntyre telling Cody Rhodes they are both Superstars on a rocket ship to the top. Rhodes said he knows that because, “after all, I’m ‘Dashing’ Cody Rhodes.'” Ziggler said he already softened up Christian, so if he doesn’t beat him, he’s not dashing, he’s disappointing.”
2 — CODY RHODES vs. CHRISTIAN
Cody shuddered at an early kick attempt aimed at his face. Christian dove onto Rhodes and they cut to a very early break 20 seconds into the match. [c] Cody had the advantage after the break, working over Christian’s left arm. Striker said Cody protects his face because, “It’s the 21st century and it’s all about how you look as well as how you perform in the ring.” What?! How is Cody’s face helping him win? And memo to Striker: Kane is the World Champion on this brand and the top challenger wears a mask. Cody scored a near fall at 7:00 after a sidewalk slam. Striker asked Grisham if he knows what it’s like to have doors just open for him because of his looks. Christian finally slapped Cody in the face. Cody gasped. Striker said he should be fined. Christian scored a near fall on Cody seconds later. Cody poked Christian in the eye and then threw him soulder-first into the ringpost. He followed with Crossroads for the win. Striker said his sister watches Smackdown because of Cody.
WINNER: Rhodes in 8:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-Striker hyped Matt Hardy vs. McIntyre was coming up. Grisham plugged Rey vs. Ziggler again.
-Clips aired of the Straight Edge Society stomping Big Show’s hand last week.
3 — THE BIG SHOW vs. DEREK WERLEY & JODY REESE & FERNANDO VEGA
The S.E.S. walked out to watch the match. Punk wore a t-shirt that said, “I Broke Big Show’s Hand.” Show wore protection on his right hand. He easily handled the three opponents who used the strategy of coming after him one at a time.
WINNER: Big Show in 1:00.
-Afterward C.M. Punk chewed out Luke Gallows for presuming to speak. He said inside Show’s head is a tiny little pea brain and he can’t differentiate between the three “ham and eggers” (copyright Bobby Heenan) in the ring and the three men on the stage who will crush him at Summerslam. He said at Smmerslam he’ll be in the pit and surrounded by his orchestra of virtue. He said he wrote a symphony just for him called “The Destructin of The Big Show.” Mercury dropped to his knees and saluted Punk. Show growled at them.
-They showed Matt Hardy warming up backstage. Kelly Kelly wished him luck tonight.
-A commercial aired for the new “Raw: The Beginning – Best of Season 1 & 2.” It’s very cool to finally get extended highlights from that era on DVD. I wish they were unedited shows instead of someone’s pick of the “best of,” but it’s far better than nothing. [c]
4 — MATT “PHAT” HARDY vs. DREW MCINTYRE
Grisham said Hardy is “invigorating, a fearless, driven warrior, nothing he won’t do, no heights he won’t climb.” Who wrote that for him? They fought at ringside early where Hardy backdropped McIntyre into some chairs at ringside. He followed with a Side Effect at ringside as the ref continued his count. Hardy rolled Drew into the ring and scored an early near fall. The announcers discussed the Nexus storyline on Raw. At 4:00 Drew fought back at ringside by ramming Hardy into the ringside steps. Drew then smashed Hardy’s left ankle in between the bottom and top part of the ring steps. The ref counted him nearly out when Drew moved toward him, interrupting the count. Hardy took off his boot to relieve the swelling. The ref asked if he wanted to continue as he hobbled into the ring. Hardy said yes, but McIntyre gvae him his Future Shock DDT finisher for the win. They showed Hardy’s sock bleeding from underneath. Striker, avoided the word blood, said you could “see the injury seeping through his sock.”
WINNER: McIntyre in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *
-A video package aired on the Nexus-Team WWE storyline on Raw. [c]
-Jack Swagger walked out as Grisham said, “What a fall from grace.” Swagger told the fans when he looks into the crowd, he sees person after person looking for an excuse to feel sorry about themselves and “how boring and unremarkable your lives are.” He said he’s not like them. “Thank God I’m not like you,” he said. “I actually have a legitimate excuse. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through the last two weeks… the last two months?” He said he’s been through everything from being cheated out of his World Title to being thrown into the Gulf of Mexico and all of the diseases in the water to witnessing family trauma. He said his father was attacked by that insane freak Kane. “I was up until 4 a.m. dealing with chronic diarrhea last night.” The crowd oohed and ahhed (or laughed). He added: “Not mine. My fathers!” That’s even worse! He said Summerslam has lost its Swagger as he’s not in the main event. MVP’s music interrupted.
MVP stepped onto the stage and ripped on Swagger for all of his excuses. He said he understands one thing: “Nobody cares about your problems!” He said nobody in the arena cares about his problems. Swagger asked MVP if they didn’t have this same conversation last year. MVP said yes, in this very arena. MVP said he beat him convincingly? Swagger hit MVP with the mic and threw him to the floor. As Swagger beat up MVP at ringside, they cut to a break. [c]
5 — JACK SWAGGER vs. MVP
Grisham said Long made this match official during the break. Grisham said Swagger didn’t like being reminded he lost to MVP last year at Summerslam. Swagger applied a keylock on MVP at 2:00. MVP came back with a head scissors attempt, but Swagger yanked him down to the mat and went for the anklelock. MVP reached the ropes to force a break. Swagger powerslammed MVP and then went for the corner swing splash. MVP lifted his knees, then executed an overhead suplex. MVP reversed a Swagger ankle lock attempt and rolled him up for a pin.
WINNER: MVP in 5:00.
STAR RATING: *1/2
-Cody Rhodes’s Grooming Tips. He said there’s nothing more gross than stinky yellow nasty ear wax. They showed nasty close-ups. He said to be Dashing and remove such unsightly substances, dab a cotton swab in your ear and move it around in a nice circular motion and don’t insert it too far. “That will remove that mustardy, cheddar cheesy, nasty substance from your ears.” He said he has brought everyone one step closer to dashing. [c]
-A vignette aired with Alberto Del Rio. He asked viewers if they are ashamed of what they see in the mirror. I am ready to see him get punched, acting or not.
-Striker said the blockbuster Smackdown premiere of Del Rio takes place next week. Striker said he’s a man of virtue and honor and he’s very excited. Grisham and Striker hyped the Summerslam line-up.
-Rey Mysterio’s ring entrance took place for the main event with 20 minutes left in the show. [c]
-WWE Fact: WWE Mobile is available all over the universe to a billion trillion people
6 — DOLPH ZIGGER vs. REY MYSTERIO (w/Vickie Guerrero)
The match began with 13 minutes left in the show. Ziggler went on early offense with stomps to the chest of Rey in the corner. At 3:00 Rey made a comeback and set up a 619 when Kane’s pyro interrupted. They cut to a break. [c] After the break Kane watched from ringside with the casket open. Ziggler came back by dropping Rey throat-first over the top rope. Solid back and forth action continued for several minutes. In the end, Rey scored a leverage pin as a counter to Ziggler countering his 619. Nice sequence.
WINNER: Mysterio in 12:00.
STAR RATING: **
-Afterward Kane tried to get a Mysterio, but Mysterio hit Kane with a reverse 619. He springboard dropkicked him into the casket. Kane jumped out right away and backed up the ramp. Striker and Grisham hyped the World Title match on Sunday. Grisham asked if Rey’s Summerslam will end with him stuffed in a casket or if he will pull another miracle.