SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
TOTAL DIVAS – EPISODE 6
NOVEMBER 5, 2019
AIRED ON E!
BY SARAH K., PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
So, on this episode there is some sort of beach party trip, and Ronda Rousey has a shindig with a bunch of the women, oh, and the biggest Diva of all – Corey Graves – will appear with Carmella. Technically, besides that long recap, the show starts with Sonya Deville match footage, you know, from some match she had that wasn’t memorable. Sonya and Carmella discuss being invited to Ronda’s place. Since Sonya is a dipshit, she thinks Ronda’s worked comments as a wrestling heel were a shoot and acts silly and awkward about going to hang out with Ronda. Yeah, Sonya Deville is a massive disappointment as a reality TV character. She makes me miss Lana, mostly because Lana guaranteed the appearance of Rusev, and he’s four million times more entertaining than anything involving Sonya Deville.
Moving on in the never-ending opening segment. Nia isn’t going to Ronda’s cabin shindig, because she’s doing a fashion show with the Bellas and Paige. Oh, FFS, the Bella Twins are on TV for a second and they’re pimping their Birdie Bee crap. The Bellas pretend to care about Nia’s knee. No segue. Sonya meets Nattie at the airport. There’s a lot of crap blurred out here. Oh, Carmella isn’t coming, so it’s just Nattie and Sonya going to visit Ronda. No segue, they show footage of Nia and the Bellas getting drunk. Oh, FFS, we have to talk about Nikki’s year old break up from John Cena? Am I really expected to pretend like I give a shit about some dude from “Dancing With The Stars”? Spoiler alert: I don’t.
Hell, this opening segment is still going. Ronda is talking to Travis about her weekend plans. She got a bus to pick them up… which is only Nattie and Sonya. Some random woman named Marina is supposedly an “NXT Superstar,” according to the chyron. I have no idea who she is. Anyway, Nattie doesn’t like dogs in her crotch – no one does. Anyway, Sonya chases Ronda’s chickens. Ronda is not impressed. Finally, a commercial!
So, Ronda has Browsey Acres, and then a place in Big Bear. There’s taxidermy in the room they have set up for Nattie. Nattie does a semi-comical run-down of how she is not a bad-ass hunter. So, basically, she has killed flies, wasps, and spiders… and kept none as trophies, let alone had them preserved and mounted on a wall. Yes, taxidermy is an acquired taste. Full disclosure, I have a living room with a realistic bird knick-knack sitting on every flat surface. Anyway, they start drinking. The dog pees on the floor.
Moving on, Graves and Carmella have snuck off to have a weekend together. Yes, Carmella has decided to lie about just not showing up for Ronda’s cabin shindig. Carmella shows Corey around her condo. I assure you all nothing interesting happens. Back to Ronda’s shindig. The girls go outside in the snow. Ronda is apparently a doomsday prepper. She’s convinced there may be some sort of zombie apocalypse? Yeah, that was weird.
Oh, crap, it’s a Bella Twins segment. Supposedly, there will be 2,000 people watching this “fashion show.” Oh Christ, we get footage of Nikki Bella crying over the end of her career. Nia is sad about being in pain. “In some way I’ve lost who I am, what makes me me,” says Nia. So, it’s a fashion show of women wearing t-shirts and leggings. Yeah, there was like 30 seconds of Nia and Paige on the runway footage. Moving on, Sonya calls Carmella who hasn’t admitted yet that she isn’t coming. So, Ronda, Nattie, and Sonya are going to try archery. Ronda hits the target. Sonya struggles with the bow and arrow. Nattie manages to shoot an arrow, and then Sonya tackles her in the snow. Then they shovel a driveway. Sonya tries to turn this into a competition. Uh, if invited to Ronda’s, that’d be a hard no. Shoveling a driveway is not a girl’s weekend activity; that’s what men are for. Where’s Travis? He should be in that shot with a shovel.
Pool is the next activity. Ronda admits to being hyper-competitive. I think Nattie won. The loser gets chopped on the chest. So, Nattie and Sonya both chop Ronda. Moving on, Carmella and Graves are having lunch. He asks her if she would move up to New England. Nattie calls. Carmella lies and says she’s at home. She’s made up an entire story that is not the truth. She’s still acting like she’s going to Ronda’s shindig. Corey still has a dirtbag check in my book, but he does make the point that you don’t need to lie about things that you don’t have to lie about. No segue, Nattie has lost her f—ing mind. She has some sort of plan to put peanut butter on her thighs to attract the dog that she doesn’t really like.
Back from commercial, Nattie has covered herself in peanut butter to try to make nice with the dog. Yes, that was weird. Just weird. Oh crap, it’s another Bella Twins segment. They offer Nia alcohol. Nia admits that she’s too old to hang out with the younger women on the roster. I think this conversation is supposed to be deep, but I’m just not feeling it. Yeah, the Bella Twins being shoe-horned into this show adds nothing. Moving on, Nattie tries to bring Ronda and Sonya together. Nattie and Ronda discuss how “the girls” don’t understand that Ronda is playing a character, which is a nice way of saying most of the women on the roster aren’t smart to the business, as is often demonstrated on this show.
Graves and Carmella are having a picnic on the beach. “You’re lying to your friends about something as trivial as hanging out with me,” he points out. “How would I know if you were ever lying to me?” Carmella is taken aback that her casual lying isn’t going over huge. So, she calls up Nattie and Sonya and admits she lied about why she wasn’t there. Nattie does the cutaway explaining it was okay that Carmella wasn’t there… you know, Nattie, whose solution to every conflict is to concoct a lie. Insert a shot of water and a seagull. Moving on, they run outside in the cold, because altitude training. Yeah, I dunno, I wouldn’t, but I have a hobby. After they run, Ronda breathlessly explains to Sonya that Twitter is a work. Yes, Sonya and Ronda hug.
Next week: Ronda’s storyline with Becky (and the other woman in the main event of WM who isn’t on this show), Sonya, and Mandy are going to do a lesbian tease storyline and Sonya’s iffy girlfriend doesn’t understand that wrestling is a work, oh, and Nia and the saga of her knees.
CATCH UP… 10/30 TOTAL DIVAS REVIEW (Ep. 5): The one where Nia Jax wants to be the first-ever woman to do a top rope move, Ronda talks about towing company line and not having a character, Carmella sings