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AEW DARK TV REPORT
SEPTEMBER 7, 2021
RECORDED AT NOW ARENA, HOFFMAN ESTATES, IL
AIRED ON YOUTUBE.COM
REPORT BY RYAN HOWARD, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Announcers: Excalibur and Taz
Ring Announcer: Justin Roberts
-Excalibur and Taz on the call, welcoming us to the show, giving us a rundown.
(1) LANCE ARCHER vs. JASON HOTCH
Justin Roberts announced Archer as “chasing his opponent down the ramp” as Hotch sprinted to the ring with Archer stalking him. Hotch hit one suicide dive, but got caught on the other, getting choke slammed on the apron. The bell rang and Archer immediately hit a Helli-Coaster. Archer connected with three corner splashes before putting away Hotch with the Black Out for the win.
WINNER: Lance Archer in 1:30
(Howard’s Analysis: I have no idea where Jake Roberts has been, but with Archer destroying guys in under 2 minutes, it makes sense not bringing him in for that short of time.)
(2) THE BUNNY (w/Penelope Ford) vs. LAYNIE LUCK
Ford tripped up Luck at the bell that allowed Bunny to hit a sliding forearm in the corner. After a few chops, Luck rolled up Bunny a couple times for two counts, but ran into a Bunny lariat. Bunny hit a knee lift and Down the Rabbit Hole to get the easy victory.
WINNER: The Bunny in 2:00
(Howard Analysis: Quick win for Bunny, who picks up her third win in a row.)
(3) ALAN “5” ANGELS (w/John Silver & 10) vs. EVIL UNO (w/Stu Grayson & Colt Cabana)
The crowd really didn’t like that the Dark Order music hit again after Angels made his entrance and Uno walked out. There were “Please Don’t Fight” & “Hug It Out” chants as Uno suckered Angels in with a handshake into a roll up early for two. Both men reluctantly locked up before Uno connected with a shoulder block. Angels responded with a leg lariat and high cross body off the top for two. Uno clocked Angels with a boot to the floor as Angels got a sunset flip back inside for two. Uno hit a hard right hand and teased unmasking Angels, but stopped himself from doing it. Angels started no selling Uno’s strikes and hit a combo of moves ending with a DDT for two. Angels countered Something Evil into the Koji Clutch, but Uno got his foot on the ropes. Uno went to the floor and Angels quickly hit a moonsault off the second rope. Cabana & Grayson try talking to Angels, which allowed Uno to blindside Angels with a boot and tossed him into the steps. Back inside, Uno hit Something Evil for the victory.
WINNER: Evil Uno in 6:00
(Howard’s Analysis: This was a very odd match to watch, as fans didn’t want to see it because they love Dark Order so much. Uno was visibly upset with how he won this match. I’m genuinely interested in how or who will bring Dark Order together again. I hope it’s Hangman.)
(4) THE ACCLAIMED (Max Caster & Anthony Bowens) vs. ROBERT ANTHONY & SHAWN DEAN
Max came out with a paper saying his rap has been approved by management, which was really weak. Bowens put a stop to it, mocking their promos being scripted, putting over Rhodes to the Top in the process. Max ripped up the notes and did a rap mocking the crying CM Punk fan, insulted Shawn Dean’s manhood and also claimed Anthony had an S.T.D. This got welcome back chants from the fans as The Acclaimed attacked Dean & Anthony at the bell. Bowens hit a spinning suplex while Caster hit The Mic Drop on Dean for the quick win.
WINNERS: The Acclaimed in 1:00
(Howard’s Analysis: I’m sure Anthony Bowens is thrilled his partner is back after racking up quite a few loses in singles action with Caster being gone. I thought this was a clever way to have Caster return to his rapping ways. Hopefully The Acclaimed pick up where they left off in the tag rankings.)
(5) JOEY JANELA vs. LEE MORIARTY
Kayla Rossi is with Janela, but she wasn’t mentioned by name again as commentary is playing it off like they have no information on her. Moriarty got a nice ovation as he hit a standing cross body for an early two count. Both men went to the apron, where Moriarty hit a brutal hammerlock slam. Moriarty tried a follow up tope suicida, but Janela hit an upper cut in mid air. Taz pointed out Janela has a face only a mother would hate and Excalibur says if his face was on milk cartons, people would burn them. Rossi pulled Moriarty to the floor and sent him into the railing before Janela got a two count. Moriarty got a nice leg sweep and a violent arm bar into a slam that dropped Janela head first on the mat. Taz said Janela looked like an exclamation point. Moriarty followed with a double stomp for a near fall. Janela cut off Moriarty in the corner with dueling crowd chants as Janela hit a superplex. Joey connected with a suicide dive, but talked to the camera, which allowed Moriarty to hit a suicide dive of his own. Back inside, a forearm battle ensued then both men traded kicks until Janela hit a release German suplex. Janela turned Moriarty inside out with a lariat and jumping piledriver for a very close two. Moriarty avoided a DVD into a wrist lock into a leg sweep for two, transitioned into Gargano-escape. Rossi pulled Janela’s foot to the ropes. Moriarty got planted with a snap DVD for a Janela victory. Post match, Sonny Kiss hit the ring to a loud ovation to beat up Janela as Rossi & Joey bailed.
WINNER: Joey Janela in 8:30
(Howard’s Analysis: This was an excellent, action packed match with Moriarty looking fantastic. I hope Joey is ok after taking that scary bump on his head, which Taz described perfectly as an exclamation mark. The Joey Janela vs. Sonny Kiss feud is ready to begin.)
(6) COLT CABANA & STU GRAYSON (w/Evil Uno) vs. RSP & TRAVIS TITAN
Obviously Cabana got a hero’s welcome in Chicago, which RSP put a stop to, attacking both Grayson & Colt. Titan helped his partner put the boots to Grayson, isolating him in their corner. Grayson ducked a double team and hit a double Pele kick, getting the hot tag to Cabana, who dished out bionic elbows. Colt hit a nice springboard moonsault on RSP and Flying Apple on Titan before hitting the Chicago Skyline on Titan while Grayson powered up RSP into The Nightfall for the win.
WINNERS: Colt Cabana & Stu Grayson in 3:00
(Howard’s Analysis: Major props to Grayson for hitting Nightfall on RSP. That looked amazing. I don’t think this Dark Order duo will remain a team, but I’m happy Cabana got his huge ovation in Chicago.)
(7) BIG SWOLE vs. DIAMANTE – 3 Strikes Match
The rules for this first ever 3 Strikes match are first fall is pin, second fall is submission and third is knockout. Swole hit a pump kick immediately, but Diamante got a kitchen sink in response. Swole caught Diamante with a big time headbutt and swinging back suplex slam. Diamante held her neck as Swole hit a knee lift for two. Swole tried for Dirty Dancing, but Diamante rolled her up with a handful of tights to take the first fall. Diamante didn’t wait on attacking Swole with a sledgehammer forearm and shotgun corner dropkick. Diamante worked a few submissions, as she can only win by submission or knockout, but Swole caught her in a heel hook for the tap out. We’re now on to fall 3, which is knockout only, so a kendo stick came into play. Diamante tossed Swole into the guardrail as the crowd started loud dueling chants as Diamante wrapped a chain around her fist. Swole tried to protect her head, so Diamante hit her in the ribs with the chain and whipped her with it. Swole kicked the chain free and both ladies dove for it before they hit a double headbutt for the double down. Swole got the chain, but Diamante posted her outside. Diamante tried to handcuff Swole, who fought back, got control of the chain & hit a Dirty Dancing punch using the chain that knocked out Diamante
WINNER: Big Swole in 10:00
(Howard’s Analysis: I give credit to AEW for trying something new while culminating a feud built almost entirely on Dark. It was confusing at times, but it was different. I don’t think this would’ve really clicked on Dynamite or Rampage, but on a show like Dark where you can try new stuff, I liked it. Also credit to these ladies for the work they put into this feud. Hopefully both move on to bigger things in AEW.)
FINAL THOUGHTS: I dug this episode of Dark, which might be the last one before heading to Universal Studios to get the WCW Worldwide treatment. I always liked Worldwide and watched an awful lot of those matches during quarantine last year, so it’ll be cool to see AEW’s take on it. I hope we get 8-10 matches every week and not oversaturated with squashes weekly for no reason. As for tonight, Moriarty vs. Janela was my match of the night, with the main event ladies working very hard as well. The Dark Order dissension is just weird to see play out in the ring, despite Uno & Angels having a very good match. I’m interested in where they’re headed.
NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S AEW DARK REPORT: 9/4 AEW DARK TV REPORT: Special C.M. Punk appearance, Hikaru Shida vs. Missa Kate, Jurassic Express vs. Chaos Project, more