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AEW COLLISION – HITS & MISSES
APRIL 13, 2025
SPRINGFIELD, MASS.
AIRED ON TNT
BY AUGUST STRACHAN, PWTORCH CONTRIBUTOR
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuiness
– Hey! Welcome back to another edition of the AEW Collision Hits & Misses column — the best place to find the worst takes!
A cold welcome from the lands of Australia to you all. Wait, hold on, sorry I need speak American don’t I. Howdy y’all from the land o’ Kangaroos and Boomerangs! Once again it is August taking the reins for tonight’s column, as my incredibly wonderful fiancé David is extremely sick, and I would appreciate your thoughts for his health and safety.
With that out the way, let’s get to the wrestling with our surprising (in a good way) card consisting of 55 percent women’s segments as per the pre-announced lineup!
Hold on…
Okay, good; the show is still two hours long.
COLD OPEN — MISS
Does AEW have a love hate relationship with the Cold Open concept?
Do they fight and slam the door on each other than call three hours later saying their sorry and want to give it another chance?
Do they long for each other’s warm embrace in the cold dead of night but feel smothered when they lay together in the same bed?
All that to say the Cold Open wasn’t present to open this episode, confirming my theory that either the above is true, or the Cold Open is a cutthroat diva that won’t let a man boss her around. Although this might just be my Triller feed cutting it out and I just sound insane.
PRODUCTION BOTCH NUMBER 400,762 — MISS
Once again, someone on AEWs production team gave their coffee-addicted child access to the buttons, showing the audience a preview for the upcoming Dynamite Spring-Break-Thru main event while the announcers were very much not talking about that, only to quickly cut to the match they were supposed to show a preview for just as the announcers pivoted to speak about said Dynamite main event.
I know running these shows are hard, but there must be a point where it just feels a little like sabotage right?
GENUINE FEAR THAT TONY SCHIAVONE WAS GOING TO DIE — HIT
Well, it’s all but confirmed, FTR vs. Nigel McGuiness & Tony Schiavone at All In Texas!
I jest. However, that doesn’t change the fact that for a moment there I thought Schiavone was going to take a Shatter Machine or an assisted piledriver, given FTRs reputation for safety and AEWs countering reputation for bat shit insanity that should’ve never gotten past brainstorming, I couldn’t fight the feeling that it was actually going to happen.
Then of course Daniel Garcia got involved. I’ll give it to him; he never stays down, even when he really should stay down.
Otherwise, this show-opening segment was once again a great outing for FTR (as if they ever don’t have a great outing) and I’m interested in where they’re going to set their sights as a newly heel team.
TIMELESS TONI STORM GIVES US THE RUNDOWN — MEGA HIT
This woman opens her lips and it’s a mega-hit without question, and given her disposition, I think that applies in both contexts.
This promo only made me want to see Toni Storm get in the ring with each and every one of the women competing in the Owen Hart Tournament. Threatening to make Harley Cameron into a hand puppet, discrediting Athena’s rein, and marveling at the woman that is Kris Statlander; Storm’s chemistry with still images of these competitors makes me hyped to see the outcome of this tournament, and hopeful that some of the potential match-ups return later down the line. Be it “Electric Locomotion,” “If Mary Poppins Got Freaky,” or “Stark Tits,” these match-ups are all certain to be… Timeless.
JAMIE HAYTER VS. BILLIE STARKZ — HIT
Once again Daphne sans the gang enters the ring with the chairman of Chronic Hair Dyers Anonymous.
Despite having a rocky start to the match, these two stellar performers wrestled their way into a good show tonight, and while resulting in the expected outcome, still came with some wonderfully creative offense from Starkz. But even such offense cannot save anyone when Fred isn’t around to keep Daphne distracted from beating the ever-living hell out of anyone on sight.
DEATH RIDERS BACK IN THE DISNEYLAND TUNNELS — MINOR MISS
Once again, the Death Riders come to us live from their network of tunnels spanning across the venues of America to speak to us in riddles and Swedish, which would be funny if they started doing Swedish riddles for the handful of people that can understand Castagnoli directly, just to really get the message across in the most annoyingly complicated way possible.
It seems Moxley, standing in for an injured Pac as an interim Trios Champion, is planning to target Hook this coming Wednesday, promising that “chicks love scars” while panning over to Yuta, who brushed back his hair. Presumably to try to show a scar that very much did not show well on camera and instead just looked like he was showing us the size of his forehead for an uncomfortable amount of time.
GATES OF AGONY VS. ALREADY IN THE RING — MINOR MISS
Well, there goes my statistic on women having the favor of time this episode.
The Gates of Agony appeared tonight in an unannounced match against “Smash & Burn,” which I can only assume is their tag team name, otherwise it’s just a very cruel joke that someone put on their ring gear.
Although it is accurate, they really did get smashed and certainly are walking out with some friction burns tonight.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
Check out the latest episode of the Wade Keller Pro Wrestling Post-show covering the latest episode of Dynamite: CLICK HERE (or search “wade Keller” on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or any other iOS or Android app to subscribe free)
FTR AGREE TO A MATCH AGAINST DADDY MAGIC AND COOL HAND ANG — MINOR HIT
I’m regretting doing that statistic now.
Daniel Garcia once again finds himself the centerpiece of a war. Soon to come tonight on Collision, FTR vs. Matt Mendard & Angelo Parker, the stakes? Custody of their co-parented kid, Daniel Garcia.
BLAKE CHRISTIAN VS. ANTHONY BOWENS — HIT
I have many comments to make about the presentation of Blake Christian, none of which could likely get published here so I’m not going to try my luck. Instead, let’s talk about Anthony Bowens.
His return during the Zero Hour of Dynasty was easily the highlight of that portion of the show. So much so that both David and I agreed that it should’ve taken place during the main show when the entire audience was looking on instead of still filing in as they do during the Zero Hour and a half.
Personally, I’m not sure what I think on this new gimmick yet. I didn’t even know what a five-tool player was until looking it up five minutes ago, and after doing so I am even more confused because this is wrestling, not baseball.
Don’t try to make me think about two sports at once; one is enough.
Given the ending to his after-match promo however, I hope we lead into a series of open challenge victories for Bowens to drive those nails even further into the coffin of Max Caster’s career.
MEGAN BAYNE IN ACTION — MINOR HIT
In two-on-one action today against Kelly Madan and LMK, Megan Bayne conducted a massacre on her opponents. No surprise there.
While this match didn’t do much in terms of furthering any storyline, I respect it for keeping Bayne in the spotlight. A feat that (I hesitate to say this) AEW has been improving on. I hope it is not a fluke.
KEVIN KNIGHT VS. AR FOX — HIT
This match made me realize that Tony Khan must have some deep-seated hatred towards the concept of a slow burn story.
From strangers on AEW TV, to allies in the 400k “explosive” eight-man tag match (don’t get me started) to opponents literally three days later, and they didn’t say a thing!
No little look from Fox to Knight to show his displeasure, but no handshake before this match to signify respect and friendship. This didn’t have to be a story, but it certainly could’ve been characterized.
That isn’t to say this match wasn’t good; it certainly was. But it’s times like this when it’s clear that Khan in his early life found a rare pair fan-fiction, 10k words, slow burn dynamic only to find out it hadn’t been updated or finished for five years and thought, “Never again.”
GATES OF AGONY MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE — MINOR HIT
What in the Cheshire smile was that from Bishop Khan?!
As with a train wreck, I wanted to look away but couldn’t stop myself from staring in awe and fear that the smile would just keep curling till he looked like the Grinch having a terrible awful idea. Which is also what I call going up against the Hurt Syndicate.
FTR VS. DADDY MAGIC & COOL HAND ANG — HIT
I find it hilarious that FTR came to work today with suitcases holding their ring gear, despite not having anything close to a scheduled match in place for tonight. Do they just bring it everywhere just in case someone challenges them to a sanctioned match at the drop of a hat?
You know what, yeah, I entirely believe they do.
Anyway, on this episode of Family Courtroom, we see Garcia’s four dads fighting and bleeding for custody. FTR comes out victorious, but quickly proves that they never really loved him, causing Garcias fifth dad and first and second uncles to arrive to protect him.
Things are really heating up in the Menard/Parker/Wheeler/Harwood/Cole case today.
ATHENA VS. HARLEY CAMERON — MEGA HIT
I am genuinely impressed. Athena is always good in action, storytelling, and character. But Harley Cameron never ceases to impress me with how quickly she is improving in all aspects of her wrestling career.
We knew Harley wouldn’t be coming out on top, but that doesn’t change the fact that with every outing she improves, she impresses, and she makes me want to see her hold a title on day soon more and more.
In other news, Athena is an incredible worker, and water is wet. I cannot for the life of me decide whether Mercedes or Athena should advance to fight Toni Storm. Both matches would be astounding and both matches should absolutely happen someday soon. But I honestly don’t know where the hell Mercedes would put another title on her body, and as much as I want to see Athena on AEW screens as much as possible, I want her to finish out her ROH run with pride, honor and a match worthy of her caliber before she jumps over.
MERCEDES MONÉ PRE-RECORDED PROMO — MINOR HIT
I was into this until she called Athena a speedbump. Train tracks do not have speedbumps, Mercedes. The Orient Express would’ve had a lot more complaints of third degree tea burns and shattered glass if they did.
Oh god, I’m becoming a stickler for trains. What is happening to me?
BRODY KING VS. KONOSUKE TAKESHITA — HIT
With how much Tony Khan loves Japanese wrestling, this should not be the last time we hear about Takeshita forever having the achievement of beating Hiroshi Tanahashi in his final match on American soil, and I think that is a good thing.
Hold on, David is calling.
Okay so I’m being told that he regrets introducing me to wrestling because my hyper-fixation has gotten much more out of hand than he thought it would, considering how now I genuinely care about such things as Hiroshi Tanahashi’s last match in America.
Switching focus, I feel for Brody King; the man has so much presence, talking ability, and ring capability, yet is always the obstacle and never the goal. I will always advocate for King to hold a singles title at some point in his AEW career, and no that is not because I have a signed photo of him in my room. Not at all.
FINAL THOUGHTS
The show started shakily without a cold open, but once it got settled in, it certainly delivered. The Owen Hart Tournament is in full swing now and, so far, has been my favorite out of the three I have seen. While some outcomes are obvious, with some of the match-ups I couldn’t even hazard a guess as to who is going to come out triumphant.
FTR’s heel turn feels refreshing, and hopefully after they finish running through the people of their past, they can turn their heads to the future.
Speaking of the past, anyone else notice that now both Cope and Christian Cage have lost their factions and been left alone after making an attempt on the title?
Overall Match Grade: A-
Overall Storylines Grade: B-
SHOW GRADE: B+
AUGUST’S DODGY MATCH RECOMMENDATIONS:
- Match of the Night: Athena vs. Harley Cameron
- Second Best Match: Brody King vs. Konosuke Takeshita
- Third Best Match: FTR vs. Daddy Magic and Cool Hand Ang
Thank you all for reading. I truly appreciate it. And remember, watch out for the drop bears hiding in the trees; that’s how they get you! This has been August Strachan with another sloppy attempt at the Collision Hits & Misses column.
(August Strachan doesn’t have an “Artist formerly known as Twitter” account, nor an Instagram account and hasn’t touched threads with an 80-foot pole since its inception. August is a trained actor, ballet dancer, camera hog and the inventor of the world’s first cement bouncy house. Less impressively, August received his bachelor’s degree in fine arts and Drama from the Queensland University of Technology)
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