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The praise I offered last week was wasted as Smackdown presented its sloppiest episode of 2025. Ill-prepared promos lacking substance and flair, wrestlers appearing as if they hadn’t slept in weeks, and underdeveloped storylines made for a tough three hours. Bright spots were evident, with some impressive wrestling on display, but it was ultimately a disjointed mess. Friday the 13th left its mark on Friday Night Smackdown, complete with masked psychopaths on the warpath. As always, I’m Chris Adams, and you can reach me at cadamsowj@gmail.com if you think I’ve missed.
JOHN CENA’S OPENER: MISS
It began with John Cena’s revisionist history, outlining the genius of his last several months in WWE. What should have felt cunning instead seemed more like a Bond villain revealing their plan a bit too soon. It was manufactured, but worse than that, it wasn’t remotely true. If this was WWE trying to shape the story after the fact, it fell flat.
Following it up with a promo train feels like adding insult to injury. Promo trains should be relics of the past, as they don’t feel like conversations at all—just fake posturing. Even with John Cena, Cody Rhodes, Randy Orton, and L.A. Knight involved, it rings false. Let this method die already!
It was a rare failure for Cena, whose delivery and content felt overly produced—almost too clever. For the first time during his heel run, I found myself bored with Cena and the smugness of his character. Cody and Randy Orton were fine—offering nothing notable, but also nothing unsatisfactory. Surprisingly, L.A. Knight received the loudest pop, even while sharing the ring with three bona fide legends.
All things considered, this is a colossal miss given the talent involved.
THE FIRST MEN’S QUALIFIER: HIT
Aleister Black was the MVP of the match, hands down. He is blisteringly fast and strikes with crisp precision. In fact, many of his hits seemed more than just a work! He moves like a jaguar, slinking around the ring with violent intentions. There was an incredible flow to the match, with all four participants looking like actual superstars. Nobody came off as the designated pin eater, which made it feel much more like a contest.
The highlight of the match was the lengthy sequence on the top turnbuckle, with Carmelo Hayes fighting off the other wrestlers while the camera remained steady over his shoulder. This made the action feel immediate and ferocious, innovating in ways that didn’t distract from the combat. While I would have preferred Black to win, it makes more sense for Orton to advance in the tournament. I can’t complain here!
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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JACOB FATU’S PROMO: MISS
Another brilliant wordsmith fell victim to the curse of Friday the 13th, as Jacob Fatu delivered his least compelling and most meaningless promo since arriving in WWE. He set the stage brilliantly with a backstage segment announcing an upcoming promo, getting us hyped. He got the fans on their feet to witness microphone destruction!
What we received from there was a mere whimper, a whisper, almost an imitation of the Jacob Fatu we have come to know and love. Coupling this with the video of Solo Sikoa playing the segment out, leaving Fatu in silence, we were left with no werewolf, but a pup.
THE FIRST WOMEN’S QUALIFIER: HIT
It was David against Goliath. Actually, it was David against three Goliaths as Michin was forced to battle Jade Cargill, Nia Jax, and Piper Niven, the three largest women on the roster. The visuals alone were thrilling, with Michin always teetering on the edge of being flattened. They didn’t fully commit to her story as an underdog in the ring with giants, but it was close enough.
Michin was the highlight of the match, wrestling with a fire inside her as she showcased her worth. Jade Cargill looked particularly impressive, with her moves feeling crisper and more refined. The standout moment of the match was Piper Niven spearing Nia Jax through the barricade! This isn’t a move usually seen in women’s matches, so I was on my feet when it happened. An absolute gem on a Friday night!
NAOMI ON THE MIC: HIT
A short note to say that Naomi’s character work is currently better than anyone else on the roster. She is committed to the ferocity and insanity of her character, and this was exemplified in her response to the “What?” chants interrupting her promo: “Bitch, you heard me!” For this line alone, Naomi’s heel run should be considered a success.
MCMG VS. THE WYATT SICKS: MISS
To avoid belaboring the point, there was one fatal flaw in this match: Dexter Lumis. His wrestling was abysmal, and it made the other performers look worse. Ring rust and lack of repetition are obvious factors, yet that doesn’t excuse what we saw.
JOHN CENA AND C.M. PUNK: MISS
Once again, the energy of Friday the 13th transformed what should have been an instant classic into the forgotten sequel nobody asked for. C.M. Punk appeared tired and haggard, as if something was weighing him down. Perhaps the burden of his hypocrisy had taken its toll before the promo. John Cena’s needling did nothing to change my belief that C.M. Punk entered this promo genuinely angry, which significantly affected the quality of the segment.
C.M. Punk’s unfulfilled promise of “getting real” put a crack in his identity, as following it up with a lackluster mic segment made him seem lost. I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t highlight Punk’s best line: “You are the GOAT I will spit roast and sacrifice to the gods of wrestling.” This is the Punk we need at all times.
THE SECOND WOMEN’S QUALIFIER: HIT
The match began slowly, featuring a lengthy feeling-out process. Alexa Bliss, Charlotte Flair, Candice LeRae, and a surprise appearance by Alba Fyre had a tough challenge in following the earlier qualifier.
Overall, they managed to succeed, although this match is inferior to the first. Notable moments include Candice LeRae’s Lionsault onto the bridged body of Charlotte Flair and an exhilarating dueling finish. Flair simply couldn’t secure a submission before Alexa Bliss snatched the victory by pinning LeRae. For me, the highlight of the match came afterward when Alexa Bliss crowned herself to mock the Queen. It’s refreshing to see royalty put in their place a bit.
THE SECOND MEN’S QUALIFIER: HIT
Cody Rhodes, Shinsuke Nakamura, Damien Priest, and Andrade tore the house down. Hard-hitting spots, high-flying spots, joint manipulation, and brutality were all on display. There was a hunger that permeated this match, a hunger within each performer. Surprisingly, it was Nakamura who seemed the most ferocious. He had a fire inside that I have been begging to see.
Andrade continues to shine in whatever role he is given, though my patience is growing thin regarding a solid push. I would be surprised if he ever becomes a champion on television again, which is a shame.
The lowest spot of the night appeared in this match, as the Slim Jim table made its appearance again. It’s not just the marketing I find egregious; it’s the total lack of creativity in just slapping two logos on a table. It looks cheap and makes the product appear even more toy-like.
As a Cody Rhodes fan, I am pleased he won the match, though I’d be failing in my duties if I didn’t highlight that abysmal double Cody Cutter attempted tonight. It, too, fell under the curse of Friday the 13th. Next time, Cody. Next time!
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