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The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com.
WWE MONDAY NIGHT RAW REPORT
DECEMBER 5, 2005
CHARLESTON, S.C.
REPORT BY WADE KELLER, EDITOR
I’m sick today, so I will be less detailed than usual. Thanks for understanding.
-Vince McMahon drove a garbage truck into the arena. In the ring, he introduced a Trial of Eric Bischoff to decide his fate. Coach was acting as Bischoff’s lawyer. Mick Foley represented the prosecution. Foley brought up that Bischoff should be fired for mocking him on Nitro when he was about to win the WWE Title on Raw. He said it backfired, though, because the ratings turned around from that point on thanks to Bischoff sending so many viewers to Raw to watch his title victory. McMahon said they were going to move the trial to a more appropriate setting – a court room.
[Commercial Break]
1 — BIG SHOW & KANE vs. MABEL & VAL VENIS vs. THE HEART THROBS
WINNERS: Big Show & Kane after a triple chokeslam of the Heart Throbs and Venis.
-They went to a courtroom with McMahon in the judge’s chair. The first witness was Stephanie. A video aired of Bischoff forcing a kiss on Stephanie on Smackdown in 2002 (which apparently was on Fridays nights back then according to the graphic on the screen). Steph said the vile, vomitus taste is still in her mouth.
[Commercial Break]
2 — VICTORIA & CANDICE MICHELLE vs. MICKEY JAMES & TRISH
WINNERS: Victoria & Michelle.
-Tajiri was the next witness. A woman translated for him. He said despite being a huge star in Japan and ECW, Bischoff ignored that. He said he wished “a pregnant rhinoceros shoved its mighty thorn up Eric’s anal crevice.” Tajiri then exclaimed in English that he hopes Bischoff gets fired. Coach then said Tajiri had been scheduled against Triple H. For some reason, that upset Tajiri, who was just complaining about not getting star treatment. Of course, Hunter is so intimidating and above all other competitors, the mere thought of facing him scares even someone who expressed dissatisfaction with the matches he was getting. Then Mae Young walked out to testify.
[Commercial Break]
“That’s why Eric Bischoff has no penis,” said Mae Young right out of the break. Coach said there is little or no evidence that Bischoff has no penis. Foley then introduced Exhibit B on the monitor.
Chris Masters, who had been acting as bailiff, took the stand. He said his name is Chris Masters. McMahon interrupted and said that the witness perjured himself since he knows his name is Chris Mordeski. He dismissed the witness.
-Backstage Shawn Michaels came up to Shelton Benjamin backstage and ran down his amateur athletic credentials. Michaels said that hasn’t added up to much of a pro career so far. Michaels said he became successful by having an attitude and not being a nice guy. He told Shelton he should show some attitude. Shelton said, “You want attitude, you’ll get some attitude. Don’t worry about me.” Michaels smiled.
-Styles plugged Michaels & Shelton vs. Carlito & Kurt Angle was coming up later. Lawler plugged that Ric Flair would be addressing the road rage headlines. Styles plugged the debut of The Cutting Edge with host Edge.
[Commercial Break]
-Coach said a witness was on the way who would prove Bischoff deserved to keep his job.
3 — LANCE CADE vs. CHAVO GUERRERO
The fans chanted “Eddie, Eddie” early in the match. Lawler asked Styles if Bischoff should be fired. He added he knows what Good Ol’ J.R.’s answer would be. Styles said since Bischoff set a goal and didn’t achieve it, he should be fired. Somebody in Vince McMahon’s life must have set a goal and not achieved it, and he’s sending them a message about why they deserved to be fired or should be thankful they’re not fired.
WINNER: Guerrero with a frog splash at 4:00.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-Back in the court room, Coach presented Daivari. He thanked Bischoff for giving him his job back despite facing unspeakable bigotry. He said Bischoff has handled his job with class and dignity. McMahon, it turned out, missed Daivari’s testimony because he was listening to Ashley Simpson on his new iPod. “Gosh, she sucks,” he said. He then said Daivari won’t be refereeing Angle’s match later, then dismissed him. Foley began eating a Moon Pie and drinking an RC (Coke and Pepsi obviously don’t sponsor WWE programming).
[Commercial Break]
-The Cutting Edge debuted. Edge said he is going to ruffle some feathers backstage. He called himself the “Rated R Superstar.” Lita told Edge she knows why he’s called the “Rated R Superstar.” Edge said they can’t find a guest this week and last week the show was scheduled to debut, but was cancelled. He said Ric Flair was scheduled to be the guest, but his lawyer advised him to not speak publicly. Edge talked about Flair’s road rage incident. He showed a picture on the big screen of Flair in his prime and then his mug shot. “He’s been reduced to beating guys up on the street,” he said. “How pathetic.” Lita brought up that Flair is having other personal issues.
Sgt. Slaughter and Michael Hayes walked out to ringside. They gave the cut throat symbol to stop talking. Edge introduced them. Lita said they got their jobs by kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. They got into the ring. Edge mocked Hayes for entering the ring because he heard a rumor that he had some Jack Daniels. Hayes said the boss wants him out of the ring. Edge didn’t listen. Hayes said he doesn’t get kids today. Hayes screamed that Edge doesn’t appreciate what he and Ric Flair did to give them the business they have today. He said today’s wrestlers want reduced scheduled and they have their rental cars waiting for them. In short, they’re spoiled. Hayes said he’s going to give Flair the benefit of the doubt because he’s earned it.
Hayes asked Edge how many times he’s been in the main event or sold out an arena and turned fans away. He paused and then asked how many times he’s been World Champion. Edge then called for Hayes’s mic to be cut. “It’s my show!” he said. Edge asked him where his best friend, Terry Gordy, is. “That’s right, Terry Gordy’s dead,” said Edge. “Yeah, I’m going there.” Hayes got in his face, “The only reason you’ve got this show is because you’re banging Matt Hardy’s ex-girlfriend.” Edge hit Hayes and kicked Sarge. Hayes made a comeback, but Lita gave Edge the briefcase and he used it to knock out Hayes. Edge stood over Hayes’s fallen body. Lawler said somebody needs to get him out of the ring. That was the best performance by Hayes in more than 15 years. The pseudo-work stuff, though, is always scary because it usually confuses fans more than it makes them think something is more real. This was an odd attempt to establish that Flair has earned the benefit of the doubt. In the end, though, it did create a sense of Edge as being the lowest form of heel. I have had enough of WWE using the names of dead wrestlers to get heat or sympathy, though.
[Commercial Break]
4 — TRIPLE H vs. TAJIRI
Triple H blocked a Tarantula attempt at 1:30. He threw Tajiri into the security barrier, then back into the ring. Styles said in all of his years in ECW nobody ever used a screwdriver as a weapon. Yeah, but does an Xacto knife count?
WINNER: Triple H with a Pedigree at 2:37.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Coach called Simon Dena as his witness. Dean’s music played, but he didn’t appear. Instead, Boogeyman appeared in the witness box. He had a worm hanging from his left nostril. He held up the clock and said it’s becoming more clear that Bischoff doesn’t belong here. “I’m the Boogeyman and I’m coming to getcha!” he said, then he broke the clock over his head. They went to a shot of McMahon looking bug-eyed, then shifted to Mick Foley eating a Moon Pie.
[Commercial Break]
-They showed Rita Cosby in the front row blowing kisses to the camera. Yep, she’s the one you want to trust with cable news coverage of serious WWE issues such as covering the deaths of wrestlers and drug testing. Not that the ratings whores at MSNBC don’t realize she’s a disgrace to journalism, but they should have a little more dignity than to allow that.
-Big Show took a dig at Triple H backstage.
-Back in the court room, Foley made Maria giggle on the witness stand. Maria used big words and then walked away. Coach was distracted by Maria’s ass. When Coach tried to call a new witness. McMahon said no more witnesses, they’d have closing arguments back in the arena. Bischoff looked worried.
-The Smackdown recap aired.
[Commercial Break]
5 — KURT ANGLE (w/Daivari) & CARLITO vs. SHAWN MICHAELS & SHELTON BENJAMIN
Shelton got in Michaels’s face before the bell to show him he was fired up. Shelton was aggressive against Carlito, then countered an Angle suplex and knocked Angle down with a dropdown spin wheel kick. He looked at Michaels for approval, and Michaels looked impressed.
[Commercial Break]
Michaels tagged in and the heels worked him over. He hot tagged Shelton at 6:00. Shelton took control against Carlito right away. Daivari yanked Shelton to the floor, then Angle hit Shelton from behind. Michaels eventually got a tag and hit the top rope elbow on Carlito at 10:30. He played to the crowd, working it into a frenzy. He stomped the mat, but Shelton tagged himself in and leaped off the top rope. Carlito ducked a crossbody and cradled Shelton for the win. Styles said Michaels had Shelton so worked up, he wanted to prove how aggressive he was at the expense of what was the best strategy at that moment in the match. Michaels took a deep breath and tried to calm his frustration. He then extended his hand to Shelton. Shelton got up on his own and shoved Michaels away. Michaels stared at Shelton, who just walked away with his head down and his hands on his hips.
WINNERS: Carlito & Angle at 11:30.
STAR RATING: **
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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-Vince and Stephanie arrived back at the arena in a limo. Hunter walked up to Vince and said maybe he ought to hear from “your no. 1 guy in your company.” Hunter said he thinks Bischoff should stay because you’d rather hear from the devil you know rather than the one you don’t. Hunter sounded like William Regal last week; he sounds like Raven this week. Vince then “introduced” Stephanie and Hunter to each other. They smiled at each other and sparks flew.
[Commercial Break]
-Bischoff handled his own closing arguments. He said controversy creates cash. He said he has produced. He said he doesn’t care about the fans, but he does care about their money. He said he knows how to separate the fans from their cash. He noted the Elimination Chamber concept. He said since he is still Raw G.M., he wants the Elimination Chamber to headline the next Raw-brand PPV. “You know it will sell,” he said. “Vince, you and I, deep down inside, we’re a lot alike. It’s true. Maybe we’re both hated in this industry, but more importantly we’re both respected. We overcome obstacles and we get things done.” He closed by saying, “Let me keep my job and together you and I will make a fortune.” McMahon said Bischoff made some very interesting points. John Cena’s music then began.
Cena said Bischoff has taken away the best part of Raw. Cena said McMahon is “dressing in a robe and looks ridiculous, but I love it.” He said Bischoff is a pioneer of censorship. He said he wanted to introduce Bischoff to 10,000 surprise witnesses. Cena sat on the top rope in the corner and asked, “Should Eric Bischoff remain the general manager?” The crowd booed. “Do you want to see Eric Bischoff get fired?” The crowd cheered. Cena said the people have summed up his career in two letters, “F-U.”
McMahon stood up and asked the crowd if they’d like to see the WWE Title defended in an Elimination Chamber. After the crowd cheered, McMahon said the title would be defended in an Elimination Chamber. McMahon then said everyone would see it except Bischoff. “Eric Bischoff, you’re fired!” he shouted. The crowd popped. “Take out the trash!” shouted McMahon. Cena lifted Bischoff and gave him an FU. Cena kicked him out of the ring. McMahon then grabbed Bischoff and dropped him into the garbage truck. The lid closed on Bischoff. McMahon got in the driver’s seat and drove away, honking the horn on his way through the entrance tunnel.
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