SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
OPENING MONTAGE – HIT: This is old hat by now but Lagana and company really know how to set the tone for every week and create great montages. This was all about the fallout of Aldis’s draw with Starks, Ricky Morton demanding five minutes with the champ, and then set-up for tonight’s main event, Team Aldis vs Team Morton. Oh and I can’t forget the clip of Aldis crashing ROH. Just good stuff at the top, week in and week out.
ROCK & ROLL EXPRESS W/ MARQUEZ – HIT (FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS): LOYALTY IS A HOAX! Still have no idea what that means but everyone’s favorite QAnon shirt wearing grandpa, Robert Gibson, comes out with Ricky Morton and thankfully lets Ricky do most of the talking. I wish I had more notes here, but I was OBSESSED with watching Robert as he was struggling with the Tag Team title. He was trying to stand it up on its own but it was upside down and wouldn’t, so he would leisurely hold it up. He then just picked it up and held it for a second before then trying to put it back on the table right-side-up, but it still wouldn’t quite stand on its own. It was so distracting, Dave Marquez would often look out the corner of his eye behind him watching Robert Gibson absolutely struggle with physics and reality. Maybe reality is a hoax? Physics is definitely a hoax.
As far as the promo goes, Ricky wants us to believe he still gets up before the crack of dawn and puts in long hours at work somewhere to feed his kids. Dude, you’re in your 60s. You’re not punching a clock at the local Krystal and you have no kids to feed. Stop. Get some help. Luckily, Gibson was there to steal the scene.
HARD TIMES TV TITLE BRACKET RELEASED – HIT (BUT ONLY ON PRINCIPLE): So finally, the powers that be at NWA must’ve listened to Kelly Wells’ gripes with the lack of a bracket because we got one this week. Tim Storm vs a Dawson to be decided in this episode; Ricky Starks vs. open slot (legend or ROH/indy person); Zicky Dice vs. open slot; Question Mark vs. Latimer/Murdoch winner (next week’s TV Title match). It’s hard to predict much from this with the open slots but all roads lead to Storm-Latimer, or so they’d want us to think. I’d still prefer Murdoch-Starks rematch for the belt.
ZICKY DICE AND RICKY STARKS W/ MARQUEZ – COMEDIC HIT: I never was one for Rock promos because I thought he tried too hard to be quick with quips and barbs that were sophomoric at best, but Ricky Starks tried his hand at the same with Zicky Dice and it worked. He called Zicky a “broke ass Guy Fieri” and because of course Zicky is stuck in 1985, he said he didn’t get that reference! Commit to the bit, Zicky! Zicky accused Ricky of not doing enough to get in the tournament and Rick channelled his inner Rock saying he did a lot to get here, including Zicky’s mother and sent her back to Flavortown! That’s so juvenile–but goddamn it’s funny and Zicky sold it too. Zicky eventually told Stroke Daddy the only thing he’s going to stroke are Zicky’s curls and that was that. It was quick, it was funny, it had Zicky Dice who we all love, and it had good one-liners.
ZANE DAWSON VS. DAVE DAWSON, TV TITLE TOURNAMENT MATCH – MISS: This match hurt my eyes to watch, not because it was bad, but because it was prodding and slow. The story was Zane’s hand injury and how will the brothers handle fighting each other. Eventually they just threw caution to the wind and fought each other; a lot of forearms and chops and punches, but I don’t recall a single wrestling move or hold in this match. It was the immovable object vs. the immovable object. Does that sound like something you want to watch?? The finish came with Dave attacking his own brother’s hand but Zane hits Dave with his wrapped-but-they-called-it-casted hand and that sealed the pinfall for Zane. Great. Whatever. Commentary set this up as will Zane be cleared for the tournament and if they’re asking, I’m going to spoil it–no. No, Tim Storm will get a pass or Nick Aldis will pull a fast one and get someone in that spot to continue Tim’s babyface momentum.
KEN ANDERSON & COLT CABANA SEPARATE BACKSTAGE SEGMENT – MISS: I’m all for investing time into other stories that aren’t Nick Aldis vs Tim Storm and Ricky Morton, but this isn’t the story I want time invested in. So let’s quickly recap and move on. Ken isn’t bitter; Colt blames Ken for last week’s lost but still believes in the team; Ken isn’t bitter; Colt thinks maybe it’s a lack of communication but believes in the team and can get Ken’s head in the right space; Ken thinks his head is in the game; also, Ken isn’t bitter. I just don’t care about Ken Anderson and any story he’s involved in. This won’t propel neither wrestler up the card and really, it seems to be dragging Colt down to me because he was a National Champion just weeks ago and now he’s sandbagged with the bloated Ken Anderson. Hate to see it.
ASHLEY VOX VS. MELINA – NEUTRAL: Melina isn’t ready for the ring at all. She’s protected in tag matches where she can mix it up and get out quickly but this just exposed how terrible she is as a wrestler. A spot where Ashley Vox went for a leg scissors in the corner suggested that Melina was supposed to turn and flip into a bump but instead Melina just fell like a sack of potatoes. My words aren’t doing it justice because it was a trainwreck.
Vox is really good at fighting from underneath and I can’t wait to see her rise up the card. She has great facials, can sell her ass off, and fires up quite well. She can suck you into even the false hope spots because you want to see her get back into a fight. She’s got all the trappings of star so far. Melina, however, thank god she’s already a legend because she can’t do a single wrestling move besides forearm smashes and stomps. Yeesh.
Melina won the match and called out Allysin Kay but for next week, but Kay was ready to go now. Unfortunately, Melina and the braintrust are dragging this out. I hope they get Melina some more training because Allysin Kay can’t carry Melina to three stars.
ALDIS INVADES ROH – MISS: I get it. They’re trying to stir up attention by mixing it up with ROH and bringing what’s left of their eyes over to Power but this was just weird. Nick Aldis is backstage with his own cameraperson. Okay? How? Strictly Business invades Ian and Caprice on commentary for minutes without recourse. Okay? Why? How? Kamille, though, is still the master of saying so much without saying anything as she was belittling Caprice Coleman with just a smirk and batted eyelashes. The worst part of all of this is it leads to Nick Aldis, the NWA World’s Heavyweight Champion, issuing a challenge to… Flip Gordon. Wah, wah-wah-wah, waaaaah.
OUTLAW INC VS. SHOOTER STEVENS & QUESTION MARK – HIT(?): This was a hard segment to grade. Pope does Pope things at the podium and declares he’s not managing Kingston and Homicide but he’s trying to get them their shot at the titles. Homicide is cleared to wrestle but is clearly selling the injured shoulder and putting doubt on his ability. Pope calls James Storm James Storms, I reckon for comedy? I don’t know. I don’t get Pope, and if you’re going to have Kingston near a live mic? Let. Him. Talk. So far a miss.
The good from this match were the little things: Shooter and Question Mark begin with a bow; Stevens balancing silly stuff like crane elbow with seriousness in attacking the injured shoulder of Homicide; Stu Bennett firmly in the Shooter Stevens fan club. The bad was minimal at least. There was a spot early where Stevens went hammy and launched himself back and out of the ring to avoid a fight with Homicide and I just rolled my eyes.
Shooter went over after Question Mark cut off Eddie Kingston with a Mongrovian Spike and when Homicide looked for his finisher, the injured shoulder wouldn’t allow it. Question Mark came through with a Mongrovian Spike for Homicide too and Stevens got the pinfall.
Decent match but not much to really say about it in ring, but I’m curious as to where this goes for Outlaw Inc. Homicide stated earlier that the team has fallen from the title picture and that’s clearly true but when it comes to tag teams, they’re only put together to break them up. If this is just leading to a Kingston heel turn, that seems like a failure. Eddie Kingston is a solid babyface, and though I think he’d be a great heel, NWA benefits from a rough-around-the-edges hero. I don’t think they’ll break up anytime soon, but this is something to keep an eye on as the story is told.
AUSTIN IDOL, PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING PSYCHOLOGIST – HIT: Power loves these fake hotlines, I guess. Idol makes his return after his failed date rape advert from months ago. Now he’s selling himself as a wrestling shrink that can get you heat again, and heat gets you paid! Call 555-GET-HEAT NOW and take two fists and call him in the morning! Just wonderfully silly and cheesy. I love these spots.
STRICTLY BUSINESS W/ MARQUEZ – LOLHIT: The track jacket fearsome foursome, well threesome plus 70s Porn, come out before the main event and provided us the moment we knew we wanted–Scott Steiner with a microphone.
Steiner was his usual barely intelligible self, bumbling and stumbling along half-chewed words. He praised Aldis as a guy he knew would always be champion. We also found out Steiner wakes up looking to punch somebody, especially the [EXPLETIVE] and rednecks in the audience. WHAT WAS THE BLEEPED WORD?! I must know! Scotty broke out the should-be-patented “FAAAT ASSES!” for the crowd and also let us know he’s got the last original NWA Tag Team Tile still and that’s because he and Rick are the best of all times [sic]! This was like watching the old black and white footage of the fat, shirtless, white guy take the cannonball right into the stomach as it was just puzzling as to why do I need this but yet I can’t look away. The real question is what part of Steiner’s promo are still on the cutting room floor?
WILD CARDS & STEINER VS. GIBSON & DRAKE & TIM STORM – 50.1% HIT: Yeah, I make up my own specific hit levels, but I do it for you, reader. I do it so you know all hits aren’t the same. I created this kind of hit weeks ago when I gave something a 50.5% hit. The idea behind this is everything from 0-49.9% is a miss and everything from 50.1 to 100% is a hit, leaving 50% as neutral. This whole thing just did enough to escape neutral.
We didn’t find out Gibson’s teammates until right before the match as first Eli Drake came out and then Tim Storm. I was expecting Scurll since we haven’t seen him since Into the Fire and we already saw Aldis crashing ROH.
Scott Steiner is still abysmal in ring, but good thing it was somewhat hidden by Latimer tagging in usually after Scott would come in and throw a couple forearms and then a belly to belly. His movements are so stiff and stilted like he’s made from wood. Who would think it would be Robert Gibson that would be the spry and nimble on in 2020 between the two old guys?
Eli Drake gets good marks for having explosive babyface offense, especially in the start of the match. Royce Isaacs gets a grade of “meh”, but I think that’s what they want? He’s so chicken shit and scared of everything and everyone that I still think it detracts from Aldis and camp. Gibson was never left in the ring long and that’s good because he’s the hot tag and go-home partner, and well, he’s old! He shouldn’t be in there for long! Latimer was used mostly as a way to take advantage of ref distractions; he brings the actual heat to the heel Wild Cards.
Nutshelling this match, babies had the early portion until the heels started using double and triple team tactics, and then the babyfaces won after Drake executed a DDT off a whip into the ropes, hot tagged Robert, pandemonium broke out and Eli Drake dropped Isaacs with a jawbreaker and Gibson got the pinfall.
I don’t think there’s much to really say here as we knew the babyfaces would win to progress to Aldis-Morton, but the match wasn’t anything to write home about on a show where matches normally aren’t anything to write home about. I do think we’re not far away from Strictly Business turning on Isaacs because he’s such a wuss.
OVERALL – NEUTRAL: So our streak of hit episodes ended with three, as episode four of season two is just passable. The matches didn’t really move stories much as we don’t know what to expect from Melina and Kay yet, we still don’t know what’s going on with Scurll, we don’t know much about Hard Times beyond the TV Title Tournament and Aldis/Gordon. If Hard Times weren’t so soon, this episode just existing as some filler is fine, but we’re only two weeks away. NWA has to really beef up some storylines to get us hot for that show.
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