SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Mike and Maryse moved to Austin, Tex. last season; this season they move back to L.A.. This time Barbara, Mike’s Mom, is moving with them. That means that Barbara’s doll collection is moving with them too. Ha! Hey, I’m watching this show in my living room where there is not a single flat surface that isn’t a seat that doesn’t contain at least three figurines — birds, lizards, frogs, and turtles are my vice. I know, it’s weird, and also I obviously sympathize with Miz’s Mom. Evidently as a child Miz’s dad told him that the dolls were watching him. That is a very dad thing to do. I totally believe George would do that.
So, they go house hunting in L.A.. They plan to rent before they buy. Evidently the private kindergarten in the Encino area is $40K/year. Mike touts public school, and then alleges that Monroe’s entire pre-college education will cost four million dollars. Technically it would be $480,000. Maryse makes a joke about his math skills and his education. To be fair, I went to public school too and I do my own taxes every year, so it’s not all public school’s fault that Miz can’t do math. They look at another house to rent; having pets will cost an additional $10K per month. This is clearly painful to Miz’s inner tightwad. I have an inner tightwad, so, I sort of sympathize. But I live in a three bedroom ranch house in a rural area, so not really. They’re attracted to the third house because there’s a park nearby. Yeah, that’s the one they go with; it is christened Rental Marmiz.
Miz needs to rearrange his schedule to facilitate this move. He has a Snicker’s commercial, and he refuses to cancel some engagement at famous golf course Pebble Beach. I feel fortunate that I didn’t pair off with a golfer. Of course, we drive by a golf course to go to work every day.
Miz is going to be an absentee mover. This time they got professional movers. Miz sneaks golf clubs into the car he’s leaving in; not exactly sure why this has to be a secret. They didn’t get a bus this time, like rational people. When Maryse, Marjo, and Monroe arrive at Rental Marmiz, Barbara is there with her dolls. Monroe cries. Yeah. Maryse then takes Monroe for a walk and then meets another lady with a stroller who tells her that she needs to register her two year old for pre-school. Anyone remember pre-school? You know why? Because pre-school isn’t really that meaningful. I dunno why women lose their shit trying to spend a bunch of money to enroll their kids in a school where basically they play with stickers and toys. Yeah, that’s pre-school: stickers.
For whatever reason Maryse appears to have lost her mind, so she’s trying to have a two-year-old taught to speak Chinese. Meanwhile, Miz is at Pebble Beach. Miz calls his dad and gloats about being there. In the mean time, Marjo has bought a jumbo box of frog legs and Maryse is rightfully grossed out by it. Of course, George calls Maryse and stooges out Mike. Maryse thinks he’s shooting a Snicker’s commercial instead. Maryse calls him, he hangs up on her. After his game he calls Maryse and lies about needing to stay an extra day. Maryse makes a gift basket to try to bribe her way into getting Monroe into an over-priced glorified daycare with stickers. Yeah.
Miz returns home. Maryse tricks him into eating a frog leg. Maryse has set up his gym with Barbara’s dolls over the barbells and weights… as revenge for the lie about Pebble Beach. Maryse has acquired a golf doll. “Marriage is about open and honest communication, I get that, and I wasn’t 100 percent honest and clear with you, and I apologize for that,” says Miz. Maryse then admits he just ate frog legs. Maryse then gets a brick with a plaque on it for donating $10K to a pre-school. It was a platinum level donation – Maryse describes it as a one with four zeros. Mike’s math skills are a little rusty, since he thinks that’s $100,000. They both agree that they shouldn’t lie. “So is it a lie or an omission of truth?” Mike asks. “It’s a lie,” Maryse confirms. And if there was a teaser for next week, then it’s not on the rebroadcast of the episode. Yeah, NXT ran long and my recording cut off. Life is tough sometimes.