NWA CANDYLAND HITS & MISSES 5/26: Billy Corgan Rumor, One-Time Only Theater, Jocephus, Eli Drake Gardening Tip, Allysin Kay College Heat 101, more

By J.R. Harris, PWTorch contributor



SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...

•CARNYLAND OPENING MONTAGE – MISS: This was just too sad. We got the minimalist music and Corgan waxing about how he doesn’t have answers and things are weird over shots of empty streets and fields. Dude, we know that. Plus, really, as a black person, I don’t need to see a cop handcuffing a white man on the back of the car. This is a really bad week for that. Someone should have changed it in editing, but NWA continues to say once it’s in the can, it’s in the dang can.

•CARNYLAND COLLEGE HEAT 101 – HIT: Allysin Kay gives us the trappings of all two-bit heel wrestlers out working the towns. We got the come hither hands, insulting the thing that your city loves, and telling the crowd to shut up before they even said anything! Ahead of their time! She also works in things that would get you actual heat with the wrestlers in the back like packing catering boxes to go before the vets have even eaten. She is rudely interrupted by Zicky Dice in his 80s video package, and does all the things to get real backstage heat. That was fun and playful. I really love these segments.

•ONE TIME ONLY THEATRE – HIT: “…and that’s the story of why I’m an enemy of the state in Vermont.” That’s the only line we got from “Cowboy” James Storm because they had “broken original programming” for Galli and Bennett to tell us Billy Corgan will address a rumor by show’s end. I wonder what Cowboy did…

•ROYCE ISAAC$’ MAY VALENTINE’S 100% PURE HAND SANITIZER – MILD HIT: This was cute because Royce showed some comedic chops and personality in this ad for hand sanitizer as pure as his girlfriend and relationship. See other sanitizers are only 95.6 percent pure and that can still leave you dirty (see Sal Rinauro. No seriously, he was the photo for feeling dirty!), but May’s is 100 percent! I guess that’s funny. It was mildly funny at least as a whole.

•PROFESSOR STORM’S HISTORY LESSON – MISS: Marti Belle and Kyle Davis are acting as students, which I thought could be better than last week, but instead this was short. We were going to learn if Abraham Lincoln was a master strategist or carny but Marti asks if Professor Storm has heard the rumor, he hasn’t, and dismisses the class in a rushed panic. I guess?

•HEY BROTHER – MISS: This wasn’t good. They’re putting too much stock in this rumor that Billy has. People were just playing telephone with actual telephones talking about this dumb rumor. Could it be someone signing, someone fired, a new division? It involved a puppet. This rumor will stink for sure.

•CARNYLAND THERAPY – MISS: Sal Rinauro is seeing a therapist and looks awful as usual. He uses a couple lame jokes but the thing he’s bothered about is he thinks he’s getting fired. He then does a bunch of terrile observation jokes that just bomb or land flatly. It ends with a gag about how strange all around he is. Meh. Very, very, very meh.

•WRESTLER DAD – 50.1% HIT: Nick Aldis tells his kid and pets that Sting once requested to tag with him personally and that once you think the chips are down, maybe they’re not! Maybe the odds are in your favor! And then his phone buzzes and he quizzically says rumor and walks off. Filler of a segment but cute, I reckon.

•IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES W/ JOCEPHUS – 50.1 HIT%: So, now Jocephus is charging money for you to use his storage locker as a bed and breakfast/spiritual center. I mean, I don’t even know where to begin with this one but Joe is just an odd and funny person, so he got it over to me, I just don’t know if there’s more to this gag or not. I hope there is and I just don’t know the backstory, but I wouldn’t be shocked if the talent just think of things and they all make the show.

•MONGROVIA UNMASKED, GEOGRAPHY PT 2 – MISS: My goodness, I hate these. They’re just so hack and not funny or even cute so far. It’s just crappy jokes where the punchline is a question or question related. I don’t even want to talk about this anymore.

•STRICTLY BUSINESS ZOOM CALL – MISS: So they all think Billy is a lunatic, and that’s fair. He does dabble in conspiracy theories and Alex Jones territory, so I’m cool with this but it was just a way to go back to Billy Corgan’s rumor. The more they build it up, the more I know it will stink.

•ELI DRAKE GARDENING BIT – HUGE MISS: Y’all, I’m not even sure what this was supposed to be. Drake is acting like a French person who hates gardening and gets heat on twitter for it and then fake apologizes. I wish there were more to it but that was it. This is where I say, again, I’m beginning to feel like every idea is a show worthy idea.

•BILLY CORGAN RUMOR – HIT: Carnyland is NOT closing or broke! How dare people say that! Instead, there will be a mayoral race and election in Carnyland and only citizens can vote! How does one become a citizen? On their Patreon, baby! In the aftermath, Nick Aldis seemed to like the idea and already have some thoughts about running maybe. I’m good with this, a themed episode all about one issue that isn’t a rumor sounds really good and they could have fun with it and campaign speeches. I’m already in on this.

•OVERALL – MILD HIT: The first half of the show was strong but the back half took it on the chin hard. I’ve already said I think everything makes the show; there is no skit that gets turned down because they need the material and all of it can’t be great. As a concept, I think Carnyland still has strong legs, especially Carnyland College because it’s been among the best segments both weeks. I’m eager to see how they work out this election for mayor and how it will change the show, but as of two weeks in, NWA is making lemonade out of some terrible lemons and it’s working well.


RECOMMENDED: 5/19 NWA CARNYLAND (Ep. 1): The highs and lows of Billy Corgan and Dave Lagana’s new concept show without a wrestling ring or fans

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